Mid-Lent 3
To
Husbands;
To
Wives
3/11/26
I
am hopeful that the madness is beginning to wane. Ten years ago the dogma of
transgenderism was reaching ascendancy. To assert that men and women are
inherently different meant that you would be lambasted by popular culture. J.K.
Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter books, was brutally attacked by
celebrities because she would not back down from this truth.
But
during the last five years a shift has begun to take place, and I think it is
largely due to sports. As boys started playing in girls’ sports they dominated
in a way that couldn’t be ignored. They did because by the time you get into
high school young men are bigger, stronger, and faster than young women. It was
clearly unfair, and this started making an impression on people.
Men and women are different. They are because we were created to be different. God created Adam. And then he said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will create a helper corresponding to him.” Now it is clear from these words that man needs woman. And it is also certain that they are not the same, because the woman corresponds to the man in the ways needed to serve as a helper to him. And the ultimate proof that they are not the same is that the one flesh union of man and woman is necessary to produce the intended outcome of marriage – a child.
God’s Word describes an ordering to the creation of man and woman; husband and wife. St. Paul states it very clearly in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 when he says, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” Woman was created from man. Woman was created for man, as the helper corresponding to him; the one without whom things are not very good. The world may not like to hear this, but Christ’s apostle says that this is a fact grounded in creation itself.
These facts of creation - this ordering of creation – then determine how husband and wife relate in marriage. Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
The statement, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord,” is the first verse listed in the Small Catechism under the heading “To Wives.” The subject of submission also appears in the second verse listed from 1 Peter 3: “They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
In the language of headship and submission we learn that God’s ordering means that husbands are to lead. He is indeed the head of the house. And at the same time, a husband would be foolish not to involve fully the wisdom of his wife – the helper who corresponds to him - as decisions are made about the family. In particular, the husband bears the responsibility of leading in spiritual matters as he sees that his family attends the Divine Service, and prays and reads Scripture at home.
Now in the language of submission, the world hears the assertion of inequality – that women are of less worth and value. Yet the exact same language is used of the relation between God the Father and God the Son at the Last Day. St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 15: “When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.” And of course, we confess that the Father and the Son are coequal.
For Paul, submission does not mean a relationship where one side gives and gives, and the other side takes and takes. This is not about the man controlling the woman to get what the man wants – not even in something as basic and foundational to marriage as sex. Indeed Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
Man and woman have both been created in the image of God – God who is ordered as the persons of the Holy Trinity. Man and woman have both been redeemed by the events that we are preparing during Lent to remember again. Jesus died on the cross to give himself as the ransom for men and women. In his resurrection he has begun the resurrection of the body that he will share with both of them. In Christ we are the same – we are united as God’s people. In fact Paul wrote in Galatians chapter 3, “For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."
In Christ there is neither male nor female. Indeed, our Lord said that in the resurrection men and women will not live in marriage. But until our Lord returns, we live in the created orderings God has provided. And we live in them as God directs us in his word. For when we do, we are living in harmony with the way God made things to work.
The problem is not the ordering of marriage. The problem is sin. After the Fall God said to Eve, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Women find themselves drawn to men who act in self-serving ways. Women also strive against men, competing for the headship that contradicts their own creation. Men act in ways that abuse their position of headship as they take advantage of women.
Husbands and wives act in selfish ways that put themselves before their spouse. Men take headship to mean that they get what they want – whatever is best for them. Women strive to be in charge in marriage – to get what they want. Guided by the lie of feminism they think they should be “equal” – meaning that they should live like men and disparage those things that are uniquely the gift of being a woman in motherhood. Men buy the same lie, and go right along with it as they fail in their own responsibilities of being a husband.
When we see the ways we fail to live in God’s ordering of marriage and confess our sin, in Christ we have forgiveness. And it is in Christ that we find that we find the ability to live in God’s design for marriage. The Spirit of Christ who has regenerated us and given us faith, moves us to live the life of faith in our marriage.
In particular, it is in verses addressed to husbands that we see the difference Christ makes for marriage. The Table of Duties lists “To Husbands” first, and rightly so. Man has been created for headship in marriage and family. And the conduct of this headship is modeled after Christ. Peter goes on to say in chapter 3, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Yes, his wife is physically weaker. But the husband is to live in a way that reflects the knowledge of what God has done for both of them in Christ, and of the gift he has received from God in his wife – the helper corresponding to him. He is to honor his wife and recognize the unique status they share together – that they are co-heirs of God’s saving grace.
In the second verse under “To Husbands” Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” The apostle tells husbands to love their wives and not to be embittered toward them – not to be a jerk. The Greco-Roman world had descriptions of how husbands were live in marriage. What is notable is that the instruction to love the wife does not appear in any of them. This is uniquely a Christian focus that flows from God’s love in Christ for us.
And in Ephesians 5, after the brief statement to wives, Paul goes on to spend the rest of the chapter addressing husbands and how they are to treat their wives. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.” The sacrificial love of Jesus Christ for the Church is the pattern that is to guide the husband’s behavior.
And then Paul shifts and expresses it in a different way as he writes, “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Joined together as one flesh before God, the husband views his wife as his own body. He cares for and cherishes her, just as Christ does the Church, which is his body.
Men and women and different. Thank God we are! In marriage God joins husband and wife together as one flesh. They are ordered in marriage in a way that reflects God’s creation of Adam and Eve - the first husband and wife. Uniquely distinct from one another, husband and wife each are needed for marriage and family to be the blessing God has given. By the work of the Spirit they live in Christ, as they seek the good of one other.
